A Little Bit TMI and A Whole Lot Scary

Since this blog has mainly been about fashion and the cool places I've been, I've figured now is a good time to share a little bit about myself and what is going on with me on a more personal level.

About 6 or 7 months ago I got a phone call from my gynecologist telling me that I have to come in to the office immediately. I had gone for my annual the year before but my family went through some insurance changes and was unable to receive any of the result paperwork or even go back to see her. She had told me on the phone that it was shocking that I haven't come in because in the results it said that my cervix was acting really unusually and that they needed to have a biopsy to confirm if it was cancer. When I got the phone call, I was with a close friend of mine and I pretty much just cried my eyes out.... I have always been really healthy and cancer is pretty much as bad as it gets.

So, quickly my boyfriend volunteers to drive me down to get the biopsy and I get the call to come back a little less than a week later. I already knew what she was going to say since doctors never really call so soon unless the news is bad. She told me that I was born with an abnormal cervix that already contained cells of forming cancer. Of course she showed me the charts and said that most people born with this same thing have lower active cells and usually don't have to worry about it, but as she showed me where I am, she pointed to the highest the chart could go.

As for the stage of cancer I'm in, I'm lucky to have caught it so early. The cells were still forming, but being so young and already having such far along results means that my particular cervix forms its cells quicker than most people so as a means of my first treatment, she sent me to take cervical cancer preventatives to help slow down the process (I can only assume since my gyn is a terrible communicator). Along side that I had to go into a cervical wall shaving, where they had to scrape the surface layer in hopes to get some if not all the abnormal cells out.

But what sucks more than anything about this whole thing, is the fact that I have to go through this alone. I'm embarrassed to talk about it because let's be honest, people don't know how to react when I say "I have vagina cancer!" I have had no one to talk to about it except for my boyfriend, who has been to every appointment, bless him. I just feel so alone. I can only imagine what people with even more terminal illnesses feel going through this.... It just really sucks having this immense fear and feeling like you're trapped in a corner because no one cares. Its reality. My life is not anyone elses, so why should they care? I don't blame them. It just sucks I guess, to not have anyone.

My next check up is on Jan 6th! Wish me luck readers!

(Please note that I am no doctor and all this information is based of average civilian interpretation)

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